There once was a woman I lived with, named Lisa. Lisa's boyfriend (now husband) lived in Marblehead, MA. She told the story of how they watched the sunrise....dawn came to Marblehead.
it's also my favorite description for when someone has an "ah-ha" moment...
Dawn has arrived to my husband's marble head.
He has admitted a lot of things, but not the least of which is his addiction. This is huge. Gigantic. Record breaking. Epic.
Yeah, like the girls would say "no dip." He drinks. A lot.
This has been a rough couple of weeks. I stopped talking to him, and he was drinking more than ever, but when my 8 year old has to say, aloud, "dad fell asleep watching football because he had too many beers" that's also humbling and it was my own dawn arriving to my marble head.
They can't be here and watch this.
His attitude to me has to change. He also has to love himself.
He thinks it is all from when Allison was sick, and the changes we experienced as we had a dying child, and then a major life changing surgery for her....she carries someone else's heart, and we are forever grateful. We had a dying child and a baby in-utero. Then we had a well child and a new baby after my c-section. He said this was when his life shifted.
He has to drink (he says) to quiet the voices..the voices that say things we all hear in our heads...."your kids can die anytime. life is fleeting. remember to save for college. killer on the loose. potty train your dog." and it goes on...yes, I have these voices too, I think we all do. I do not shut them up with beer or alcohol and I try to surround myself in love of the kids and husband I am with all the time to make them quieter during the good times. they peek through, but again, I don't think I'm unusual.
All that said, we now begin the journey of "after." So we know this, great.
now what.
the journey begins.
change will happen with him or it will happen without him. either way, there will be change afoot here at my little corner of the world for a while to come.
stay tuned.
